How To Deal With Your Child Meeting The Other Woman

Can you lot relate? Here'southward what I read recently …

"Letting him go is i matter, just sharing my kids with some other adult female… that I cannot practise. Fine, if he's gone. I'll go over that. Fine if he left me for another woman. I'll get over that. But, in that location is no style in heck I am going to permit some other woman, especially that adult female, parent my children.  Never! Ever! They're mine."

Wow! I understand this railroad train of thought. I call up almost every mom who has someone else stride into that "mom-like" role with her kids feels some version of this at some point.

Who can parent (mother) my kids equally well every bit I tin can?

How come up she gets to spend some time with my children when I want to be with them all the time?

I didn't sign upwardly to be a part-time mom so that some other woman could spend the other half of their time with them. I don't want her influencing my kids. I don't want her touching my kids.

Let's keep this railroad train of idea going …  I don't want her soothing them back to sleep at nighttime when they are having nightmares. I don't want her to put on the band-aid when my son'southward genu gets scraped. I don't want her talking with my daughter about boys and dating. I don't want her to go to their sporting events. I don't want her to take any fun with them.

Seriously? That means that when your son falls and scrapes his knee and yous aren't there that you lot would prefer no i condolement him?

That means when your girl is experiencing teenage boy drama that you want her to be crying alone in her room?

That means when your kids accept sporting events that you want them to feel guilt or angst every bit they look in the stands to see who is cheering them on?

That means yous don't want them to have any fun with her. That feels kind of selfish, doesn't it?

I was listening to our local morning radio show yesterday, and one of the DJ'due south said she never intended to have whatsoever children.  She's 30, and one of the other DJ'due south asked her why. Her first reply was because she knows she is not "self-less" enough to have kids.  I liked her honesty.

She said she knows that yous tin can't be selfish one time y'all have kids, and she said she doesn't encounter that happening equally she likes her life the way information technology is. Kudos to her for being self-aware enough to know this about herself, and for beingness dauntless enough to articulate it (particularly in a society that oft doesn't support women who intentionally choose non to take kids).

She's correct. As parents, I believe nosotros exercise take to become less selfish. It'southward not all virtually us anymore, simply rather many of our actions and our decisions have to practise with what is in the best interests of our children.

Often, what is in their best interests can feel in conflict with what we want or what we believe is in our all-time interests. When this happens, do we become with what we want, or with what we know is best for our kids? Information technology tin frequently seem like a tough choice.

You may non want your children to have any exposure or to spend any fourth dimension with "that woman," but the reality is that it is going to happen.

You can't stop information technology.

Why make it miserable and difficult for them? Think about the ramifications. Your children may feel guilty if they know you detest her, when they really think she is prissy.  Guilt is not a positive emotion.

Do you want to create an atmosphere where y'all are responsible for setting upwardly a negative relationship? Do you lot want to perpetuate the "evil-Step-Mom" scenario, and create needless drama?

I am a huge advocate of putting differences aside, and putting the best interests of the kids at the forefront of the human relationship. You may non like her, simply yous presumably do have common basis in looking out for the kids.

Make that your platform.

Learn to encompass the fact that at that place is some other maternal figure that is there to care for your kids when you tin can't be in that location. A simple modify of perspective can be really enlightening.

As difficult as it may be, make sure you exercise all you tin can to open those lines of communication as it relates to the kids. The kids volition see this, and benefit from it. It helps to put all "parents" on the same page with respect to rules and expectations. The power to play one parent against the other diminishes when the kids know that the parents talk well-nigh them.

Nobody says y'all have to become BFF's with the other woman (be information technology your ex-'s girlfriend or his new wife), but y'all should swoop deep into your heart to permit go of your own anger and selfishness, and consider what is truly in the best interests of your precious children.

About the Author

Author Monique A. Honaman wrote "The High Route Has Less Traffic: honest advice on the path through love and divorce" in response to a need for a book that provided honest, real and raw advice nearly how to survive and thrive through 1 of life'due south toughest journeys. The second book in the... Read More

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Source: https://divorcedmoms.com/letting-him-go-is-one-thing-but-sharing-my-kids-with-another-woman

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